Significant OutcomesThe four steps don’t change. But at this level they require more of you.
Daily outcomes are practice. Significant outcomes are where the process gets tested. The want has to be clearer. The belief has to go deeper. The action has to be more intentional. And receiving — actually letting yourself have what you asked for — becomes more important than ever.
Same process. More at stake.
Health — A Significant Outcome
When it comes to losing a significant amount of weight — or any major health goal — the four steps don’t disappear. They just require more of you.
The want has to get bigger.
At my heaviest I was 265 pounds. I wasn’t comfortable. I wasn’t healthy. And at some point the want got loud enough that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I set a specific goal — get to 205. Not “lose some weight.” A number. A target. Something I could move toward.
That’s Step 1. Be specific. The more clearly you can define what you want, the more your mind has to work with.
Ask — What do I want? Not generally. Specifically. A number. A timeframe. A version of yourself you can actually picture. I want to lose 60 pounds. I want to feel strong. I want to look in the mirror and recognize the person looking back.
Believe — This is where it gets real. Because believing you can lose 60 pounds when you’re standing at 265 is not easy. What helped me was seeing other people do it. Being part of a community where people were showing up, putting in the work, and getting results. When you see someone else doing what you want to do — that’s evidence. And evidence builds belief. I’ll say it simply — if they can do it, I can do it.
Do — I used Shaun T’s Insanity program for structure. Two meal replacement shakes a day. Tracked my nutrition. Showed up consistently. I also had a reason to keep going beyond just myself — I was promoting the product, which meant I had to become the example. Accountability is a powerful motivator. Find yours.
Receive — I remember being at an event at a nice hotel. I walked out of the bathroom and there was a full length mirror. I stopped. I almost didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. That was the moment. Not the number on the scale. Not the compliments. That quiet moment alone with my own reflection.
That’s what receive feels like at this level. It’s not just getting the result. It’s becoming someone you’re proud to be. And here’s what I know for certain — that was thirteen years ago. The challenge ended. The product came and went. But the habits, the lifestyle, the identity I built during that process? Those stayed. That’s the difference between a diet and a lifestyle. One has an end date. The other just becomes who you are.
And this works in both directions.
My son wanted to gain weight and build muscle. Same process. He set a specific goal — put on 20 to 25 pounds of muscle. He tracked his nutrition, ate to support growth, showed up to the gym consistently, and got there. Different goal. Same four steps.
That’s the point. The process doesn’t care which direction you’re going. It just needs to know where you want to end up.
Ask. Believe. Do. Receive.
Relationships — A Significant Outcome
Finding the right relationship — whether it’s a partner, a close friend, or your people — is one of the most personal journeys there is. And it usually starts the same way most things do. By getting clear on what you don’t want.
That’s not a bad thing. Sometimes you have to go through the wrong situations to get clear on what the right one looks like. The mistake is staying focused on what went wrong instead of using it to define what you actually want.
I lived in Florida away from my core group of friends back in Kansas City. I had a friend who had moved from Ohio and we would say the same thing to each other — it’s hard to meet good people down here. And one day I caught myself and said — we have to stop saying that. Because what we focus on is what we move toward.
I bought a Jeep. Joined some Jeep groups. Went through three different ones before finding a small tight knit group of loyal people that I now do a lot of life with. I didn’t find them by sitting at home thinking about how hard it was. I found them by going out and doing something I enjoyed.
That’s the process working whether you realize it or not.
Ask — Get specific about what you want. Not just “I want a relationship” or “I want better friends.” What kind of person? What qualities matter most? What does that relationship actually feel like? The clearer you are, the better direction you give your mind.
And here’s something worth examining — are you focused on what you want or what you don’t want? I used to scroll through social media and see couples and think we’ll see how long that lasts. I had to catch myself. That’s not the evidence I want to be collecting. I started celebrating the relationships I saw that were working instead. Happy couples. Loyal friends. People showing up for each other. That’s what I want — so that’s what I started focusing on.
Believe — This is where a lot of people get stuck. There’s a saying — you don’t attract what you want, you attract who you are. I partially agree. But I’d add this — you also have to believe you deserve it. And you have to expect it.
I used to say people aren’t like me when it came to giving and doing things for others. And because I didn’t expect it in return — I didn’t get it. I had to flip that. There are people like me. Generous people. Loyal people. Emotionally mature people. I just had to start expecting to find them.
I also had to look at a pattern I kept repeating. I was attracting women who had been through difficult relationships and needed someone stable. And I had the answers. It felt safe. Comfortable. Like I had a purpose in the relationship. But what I realized was — I was choosing situations that felt familiar rather than choosing what I actually wanted.
Do — Go live your life. Do the things you enjoy. Put yourself in environments where the kind of people you want to meet are likely to be. You can’t sit at home and expect the right person to show up. Take the next right step — even if it’s just joining a group, going to an event, or saying yes to something you’d normally pass on.
Receive — Here’s something I’ve experienced that most people don’t talk about. I’ve been in relationships where I was exactly what the person said they wanted — calm, patient, emotionally stable, not reactive. And it made them uncomfortable. Not because it was wrong. But because they hadn’t become the person who could receive it yet. They were still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Still expecting the pattern they’d always known.
Receiving works both ways. You have to become the person who can hold what you’re asking for. But sometimes the people around you have to do that work too. And if they haven’t — what you’re offering won’t feel like what they wanted, even if it is.
That’s not a reason to change who you are. It’s a reason to keep becoming more of it — and trust that the right people will recognize it.
The best relationships in your future are waiting for the person you’re becoming today.
Money — A Significant Outcome
At some point most of us want to make a significant purchase. A newer car. A bigger house. Something that feels like a stretch — but not out of reach.
This is where a lot of people get stuck before they even start. Too many options. Too many what ifs. Too much focus on why it might not work.
The process starts the same way it always does — get clear on what you want.
Ask — Don’t just say “I want a new car” or “I want a house.” Get specific. For a car — what size? What’s the gas mileage you need? What color matters to you and what doesn’t? For a house — what location? What school district if you have kids? How much space do you actually need? What are you flexible on and what’s non-negotiable?
Write it down. Start a journal if you haven’t already. Five to fifteen minutes a day filtering through what matters most. Find pictures of what you want — the car, the neighborhood, the house. Give your mind something visual to move toward. You’re not writing a script. You’re getting clear.
The more specific your ask, the better direction you give everything that follows.
Believe — This is where most people talk themselves out of it before they even try. They check the price and stop there. They assume the answer is no before they ask the question.
We’ve already been working on building a better relationship with money. This is where that pays off. Start to see yourself in that car. Go test drive it. Sit in it. Feel the steering wheel. Smell the interior. Let yourself feel what it’s like to own it. Do the same with a house — walk through it, picture your furniture, imagine waking up there.
And here’s something my buddy Ed kept reminding me when I was trying to figure out how to get my Jeep Gladiator — stop thinking about how it’s not gonna work. Just focus on what you want. I couldn’t see how the numbers were going to add up. But I stayed focused on the outcome. And the how took care of itself.
Do — Take practical steps. If you’ve been working on your relationship with money — paying down debt, saving consistently, living within your means — your credit is already improving and your options are expanding. That’s the do from the previous chapter paying off right now.
And if you need more income to get there — ask for it. A raise. A promotion. A new opportunity. Apply the same process — know what you want, believe you deserve it, and ask confidently. You might be surprised how often the answer is yes when you actually ask.
When it comes time to negotiate — focus on the outcome you want. Don’t be afraid to ask for the price you want because you’re afraid they’ll say no. The worst they can say is no. Always ask for more than what you want — that’s not being difficult, that’s smart negotiating.
Approach the conversation the same way we talked about in the relationships example. Know your outcome going in. Show up confidently. Say the most with the fewest words.
“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” Do your part so that when the right car or the right house shows up — you’re ready.
Receive — When it comes together — and it will — let yourself receive it. Don’t downplay it. Don’t second guess whether you deserve it. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks about how you got it.
It doesn’t matter if someone helped you. It doesn’t matter if it came in a way you didn’t expect. You asked for it. You believed it was possible. You did the work to prepare. And it showed up.
Own it. Be grateful. And enjoy it.
Because that feeling — that moment when you’re holding the keys or signing the papers — that’s not just a purchase. That’s proof that the process works.
Your future self is already grateful you didn’t talk yourself out of it.
Closing
The difference between where you are and where you want to be is rarely as far as it seems.
It starts with being specific enough to ask. Believing deeply enough to move. Taking intentional steps in the right direction. And being ready to receive it when it shows up — however it shows up.
Simple process. Intentional life. A life you’re co-creating on purpose, one situation at a time.
Your future self is already living the life you’re building today.