– Managing Your Thoughts (The Observer)
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
— Marcus Aurelius
It starts with you
Do you ever catch yourself thinking about why something won’t work—or how it could go wrong?
Yeah… me too. Just not as much anymore.
Let’s get into the fun-da-mentals—because it all starts in your mind. And honestly, this is something we should enjoy getting better at.
We spend years learning skills—school, trades, on-the-job training.
But how much time do we intentionally spend learning ourselves… and how to get better outcomes in life?
What do you want
You are thinking all day long.
Thoughts move through your mind constantly—some helpful, some neutral, and some that work against you.
We can’t always control the thoughts that come in.
But when we learn to observe and manage those thoughts once we notice them, we give ourselves the opportunity to create the outcomes we want.
Why Does This Keep Happening?
At some point, many of us ask the same question:
“Why does this always happen to me?”
Do you know someone who complains a lot—always telling the same story?
Do those same kinds of things keep happening because that’s what they stay focused on?
If we keep doing what we’ve always done, we’ll keep getting what we’ve always gotten.
People say, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Maybe it does. But from our point of view, there are four reasons things happen—and only one we truly control:
- Divine intervention — God, the Universe
- Other people — everyone has their own wants and desires
- Our choices
- Randomness — sometimes life just happens
What matters most is what we do next.
The good news is, we have more control than we realize.
Because regardless of what you believe, one thing remains true:
If nothing changes, the experience repeats.
Whether you see it as life guiding you or simply the result of patterns, the outcome is the same.
Without realizing it, we often respond the same way we always have.
Where Responsibility Comes In
This is the part most of us avoid—but it’s where change begins.
At some point, we have to take responsibility—not blame.
Because we can only control our choices and actions.
That’s where our power is.
“Where focus goes, energy flows.” — Tony Robbins
The Shift
You don’t ignore your current reality.
You just stop letting it decide your future.
Your current situation is the result of past thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
If you keep focusing on it the same way…
you’ll keep recreating it.
But if you change:
• how you think about it
• how you respond moving forward
your results begin to change too.
Think about what you’re thinking about
Think about what you’re thinking about.
The moment you notice your thoughts—you become the observer.
You already do this for other people.
Think about a time when a friend came to you with a problem—and it was obvious what they should do.
You probably gave them good advice.
But when it’s your situation?
You’re in it. You’re reacting.
Remember being told to count to 10 before responding?
Same idea.
Step back. Observe.
What advice would you give yourself?
This is why coaches exist—they see what we can’t in the moment.
At some point, we have to become our own coach.
That means:
• stepping back
• being honest
• temporarily removing emotion
• looking at the situation objectively
This Is Where the Process Begins
This is why becoming the observer matters.
Because once you see the pattern… you can finally change it.
You’re going to notice thoughts popping up. Instead of chasing every one, collect them and put them somewhere. Some will need to be addressed—just not right now.
This isn’t about getting rid of negative thoughts — because they don’t just disappear. Instead, we’re going to address them on our own terms and timetable. Old thoughts and limiting beliefs need to be dealt with so they don’t hold us back. We take control, come to peace with them, and move forward. A good place to start? Ask yourself: What do I want?
I use a simple concept called the container.
I picture a shelf in my mind with containers. When a thought or problem comes up, I acknowledge it, place it in a container, and put it back on the shelf.
Some thoughts don’t stay there right away. They come back out and start running around in your head. When they do, take a moment to address them—then put them back.
Maybe it’s something your partner said.
Something at work that keeps bothering you.
Or an old situation you keep replaying.
You’ll hear people say, “just let it go.”
But that usually doesn’t work.
This gives you a way to do that.
You’re not ignoring these thoughts.
You’re managing them—putting them in their place.
As you do, you begin to come to peace with them and regain control.
Because most of them aren’t helping you move toward the outcomes you want.
The reality is—what you focus on is your choice.
The Flip
Now let’s focus on the smaller daily thoughts you can manage to work in your favor.
Words matter. They shape the direction of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Once you notice a thought, you gain the ability to redirect it.
You’re already thinking anyway—so why not guide those thoughts in a direction that helps you?
When a thought isn’t helping you—flip it.
Simple Examples
This works for self-talk and when you’re talking to others. Let’s say you hand someone something valuable to carry. Instead of saying “don’t drop that” — flip it. Tell them to carry it carefully and safely. You’ve probably seen it happen — the moment you say “don’t drop it,” they drop it. Coincidence? Maybe. But your chances of a better outcome go up when you focus on what you want, not what you don’t.
Old Thought: I don’t want to be late for work
Flip
New Thought: I want to be on time
Old Thought: This always happens to me
Flip
New Thought: Things can work out differently this time
Old Thought: I can’t do this
Flip
New Thought: I am learning how to do this
Old Thought: It’s hard to meet new people
Flip
New Thought: When I’m doing things I enjoy, I naturally meet the right people
Why this works
This isn’t about pretending something magically happens just because you flipped a thought.
Thinking about what you want is simply the first step.
If you look back at your life, you’ll start to see patterns—what you focused on, how you felt, and how things played out.
There’s a reason for that.
Race car drivers are taught that when they go into a spin, they shouldn’t focus on the wall. Because if they focus on the wall, they’ll keep steering in that direction.
It’s not just the words—it’s the focus. What you repeatedly focus on shapes what you notice, how you feel, and ultimately what you do. That’s why the flip works.
The 24-Hour Flip It Challenge
Have fun with this—make it a game.
For the next 24 hours, pay attention to your thoughts and the words you use.
When you catch yourself focusing on what you don’t want—pause.
Flip it.
Look for phrases like:
• don’t
• can’t
• won’t
• not
And flip them into what you do want.
You don’t need to be perfect.
The goal is awareness.
The 24-hour challenge is just to get you started.
If you want real change, you’ll keep practicing until it becomes second nature.
Like tying your shoes.
At first, it takes effort. Then one day—you don’t even think about it.
Closing Insight
The moment you begin observing and redirecting your thoughts, you stop reacting to life automatically. You begin participating in it.
You’re already thinking all day anyway. Now you’re learning how to guide it.
Observing yourself—thinking about what you’re thinking about—is simple, but not always easy.
As we move into the next chapter, you’ll start to notice a pattern:
Ask. Believe. Do. Receive.
The process is simple—but not always easy. Life isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. One step after the next. Simple in concept, but finishing 26.2 miles is not easy. It takes practice, patience, and showing up consistently.
The same is true here.