Chapter 1 – Managing Your Thoughts (Become the Observer)
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius
It Starts in the mind
You’ve probably heard the phrase “‘master your mind to master your life”
But if you’re anything like me, sometimes your brain feels more like a browser with 47 tabs open and no idea where the music is coming from. So mastering our thoughts sounds like a tall task but learning to manage our thoughts throughout the day is much more manageable.
Do you ever catch yourself
- Overthinking
- reacting emotionally
- Doubting yourself
- Repeating patterns
- procrastinating
Yeah… me too. Just not as much anymore.
We spend years learning skills—school, trades, on-the-job training.
It makes sense to intentionally spend time learning ourselves… how to manage our thoughts so that we can regulate our emotions giving us the ability to make better choices which then results in receiving better outcomes in life.
Honestly — you are probably familiar with much of this and we can have fun while creating some new beneficial habits.
Why Does This Keep Happening?
At some point, many of us ask the same question: “Why does this always happen to me?”
Do you know someone who complains a lot—always telling the same story? Does their story keep happening because that’s what they stay focused on?
If we keep doing what we’ve always done, we’ll keep getting what we’ve always gotten.
People say, “Everything happens for a reason.” Maybe it does. But from our point of view, there are four reasons things happen:
- Our choices
- Other people — everyone has their own wants and desires
- Divine intervention — God, the Universe
- Randomness — sometimes life just happens
And only one we truly control: Our choices.
What matters most is what we choose to do next in any given situation.
The good news is, we have more control than we realize.
Regardless of what you believe, one thing remains true:
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Whether you see it as life guiding you or simply the result of patterns, the outcome is the same. Without realizing it, we often respond the same way we always have.
Sometimes we try to use intuition but where does our intuition come from? We come into this world with certain characteristics and personality traits. Then life adds its own layers — what we witnessed growing up, the relationships we experienced, the habits and beliefs we absorbed along the way.
Over time, that becomes our intuition. Our gut reaction. Our first instinct in any situation.
And here’s the thing — that instinct isn’t always right. It’s based on what we’ve experienced, not necessarily what’s possible for us going forward.
You don’t have to spend years figuring out where every belief came from. What matters more is recognizing when an instinct isn’t moving you in the right direction, observing it — and then choosing a different response — is where the real change happens.
Where Responsibility Comes In
We can’t always control the thoughts that come in. But when we learn to observe and manage them once we notice them — that’s when change becomes possible.
“If it is to be, it is up to me.” — William H. Johnsen
At some point we have to take responsibility — not blame. Nobody is coming to rescue you from your own patterns. But that also means nobody can stop you from changing them.
That doesn’t mean doing it alone — asking for help is a sign of self awareness, not weakness. It just means you have to be the one who shows up for yourself first.
That’s where the power is.
The Shift
You don’t ignore your current reality.
You just stop letting it decide your future.
Your current situation is the result of past thoughts, beliefs, and actions. If you keep focusing on it the same way… you’ll keep recreating it.
But if you change how you think about it, and how you respond moving forward, your results begin to change too.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer
Think About What You’re Thinking About
As you start observing your thoughts you’ll notice something interesting. A lot of them are focused on what you don’t want and how they can go wrong. We say,
- I don’t want to be late – flip it to – I want to be on time.
- I probably won’t get the raise – flip it to – I deserve the raise.
It doesn’t mean that it will magically happen but what it does do is it redirects your subconscious, your focus and increases your confidence.
You probably do this for other people. Think about a time when a friend came to you with a problem—because you were observing their situation it was obvious what they should do. You probably gave them good advice. But when it’s your situation? Because you’re in it. You’re reacting. And not observing, the answers don’t seem as clear.
Remember being told to count to 10 before responding? Same idea.
Step back. Observe.
What advice would you give yourself?
This is why coaches exist—they see what we can’t in the moment. At some point, we have to become our own coach. That means stepping back, being honest, temporarily removing emotion, and looking at the situation objectively.
Containing your thoughts
Some thoughts are harder to manage than the everyday ones. The ones that keep coming back. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve this. This always happens to me.
These are limiting beliefs — old programming that runs quietly in the background. You can’t just flip them once and expect them to disappear. They’ve been there a long time.
The container gives you a way to work with them.
When a limiting belief surfaces, acknowledge it — then place it in a container and put it back on the shelf. It may come back out tomorrow. When it does, address it again. Find one reason why it isn’t true. Then put it back.
Over time, the belief loses its grip. You’re not ignoring it. You’re managing it — on your terms.
The Gratitude Challenge
When we stay calm, intentional and are grateful for what we already have and where we are at, it makes it easier to co-create with others and the divine.
Here’s my version of the gratitude challenge, something simple to start with — and you can begin today.
As you move through your day, look for things that make you feel grateful. Not a list you sit down and force. Just moments you notice as they happen.
Someone lets you merge in traffic. You find a good parking spot. The sun feels good. Your coffee is hot. You have a car to drive.
It sounds small. But what you’re doing is training your attention toward what’s working rather than what isn’t. And here’s why that matters — it’s easier to move toward what you want when you’re grounded and feeling good than when you’re running on anxiety or lack.
Gratitude keeps you in the right state to receive what you’re working toward.
Closing Insight
The moment you begin observing and redirecting your thoughts, you stop reacting to life automatically. You begin participating in it.
You’re already thinking all day anyway. Now you’re learning how to guide it.
Observing yourself—thinking about what you’re thinking about—is simple, but not always easy.
As we move into the next chapter, you’ll start to notice a pattern:
Ask. Believe. Do. Receive.
The process is simple—but not always easy. Life isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. One step after the next. Simple in concept, but finishing 26.2 miles is not easy. It takes practice, patience, and showing up consistently.
The same is true here.